Charles Kirkpatrick Sharpe was a noted Scottish antiquary,
collector of ballads, and friend of Sir Walter Scott. But let's not hold
that against him. He was also a scurrilous gossip and scandal-monger
with a crude sense of humour.
A couple of letters from 1817 show that his waspish if somewhat cruel sense of humour has stood the test of time.
ON THE MARRIAGE OF MARGARET MERCER ELPHINSTONE TO THE COUNT DE FLAUHAULT:
 |
| Margaret
Mercer Elphinstone, comtesse de Flahault de la Billarderie, 2nd
Baroness Keith and de jure 7th Lady Nairne, noted socialite, and, for the record, mother
of five daughters. |
"Our last tea-table sensation was caused by the marriage of Miss
Mercer Elphinstone ... the bride with green gloves and ribbons, and not
one of her near relations to countenance her folly. It is said the
count is very gentlemanly as to manner, but that is all. I have had the
honour of being known to the lady all my life, and never imagined that
she would marry for love. She was person who always flirted with what
was fashionable for the moment - Lord Cochrane - Tommy Moore - Sir
Godfrey Webster's moustache, etc etc ..."
"An heiress in her teens is excusable for pleasing herself as to a
husband - at thirty she should in decency have some respect for the
world; however, our Schottish heiresses don't trouble their heads much
about making great matches, witness Lady Hood, whose husband is a very
good sort of man, and was once good looking; but (alas!) resembles a Jew
in face more than in fortune. I suppose it was an innate love of old
cloaths that made him admire Lady H., who never wore a new thing in her
life, and is herself the left off surtout of old Sir Samuel."
"I hear that there never were two such happy people as Countess
Flahault and her husband; 'tis the billing of the eagle and the solan
goose, the entwining of the fleur-de-lis with the thistle; but from this
auspicious junction I am assured no issue can proceed, for the count is
so worn out, that he's like an over-milked cow on a common, or our
Edinburgh pumps in a dry summer. ... When the count and countess were at
Drummond Castle, before they went home, a female friend of mine
happened to call upon them one day while a bagpipe player was in the
courtyard. The countess called him upstairs and placed him in the
passage, but the door was very soon shut upon him. When my friend saw
him afterwards, she said 'Weel, Donald, how did the count like your
music?' 'No very weel, madam, he had enough o't the last time he heard
it.'"
ON LORD ELCHO'S MARRIAGE TO LADY BINGHAM
 |
| Charles Kirkpatrick Sharpe. With a haircut like that, you'd think he'd be a little less critical of others' looks. |
'Lord Elcho is on the point of being married to Lady Louisa
Bingham, the intended wife of Michael Stewart; his friends, who cannot,
internally, be very well pleased, put a good face upon it. I remember
the lady's elder sister, Lady Elizabeth Vernon, giving a supper to the
Duke of Devonshire, before her marriage ... the duke was as deaf as the
chair on which he reposed, and as cold as the ice he devoured. Cupid's
dart was weak as the javelin of Priam.'
''I suppose that Elcho is married by this time. His rival, young
Gilbert Heathcote, is at present in Edinburgh, but denies to me all
sober sadness in his admiration of Lady Louisa, who is pretty, tho'
marked with the small pox, and having a broken front tooth."